Corina Bega's blog

Prilejul alinierii

Mi-am acordat ragazul de curand sa ma opresc si sa privesc o usa care se deshide: Essence. Toti pasii pe care i-am facut inainte si toti oamenii care mi-au iesit in cale m-au condus inspre acel moment: prilejul alinierii. Am vazut prin usa deschisa suflete flamande de lumina, masti date la o parte, intrebari scaldate in lacrimi si descoperiri imbracate in semnul mirarii. Acasa.

Dupa care a inceput sa bata vantul schimbarii si curentii care au re-aranjat harta mi-au dat peste cap punctul de referinta. Un freamat in care mi-am dat seama ca ultimul lucru pe care vreau sa-l fac atata timp cat sunt pe nisipuri miscatoare, este sa stau pe loc. Atunci si acolo am inceput sa ma misc si mi-am adus aminte sa las inima sa-mi arate calea. Ea stie.

Am plans cu bulgari mari, de sare,

Am ras adanc, din Univers,

Am dat sperantelor candoare

Si n-am lipsit la nici un vers.

 

Si uite asa mi s-a facut o foame nebuna de ras, de drag de oameni si de iubire. Mai ales de iubire.

Universul stie asta si vine si ma intreaba: esti sigura ca asta vrei? ia sa-ti dau o imbucatura sa vedem daca iti unge sufletul... Si eu i-am spus: iti multumesc de oferta, n-am sa iau imbucatura pe care mi-ai mai intins-o si in trecut, acum am ajuns la prilejul alinierii. Inima are sa recunoasca ingredientele inca inainte ca mancarea sa prinda gust si forma.

Si pana atunci, clocotesc de prea-plinul trairilor, de zumzetul curentilor si de intamplarea vietii. Eu m-am intamplat vietii asteia, totusi! 

Warlords

We are the creators of our own reality on all fronts of our life: personal, professional, hobbies... I cannot agree that we are victims, not even of our genetic inheritance - on the topic of the genes more to come (incubating now). Whatever we get in life it is a mirror of who we are inside.

 

So if we love ourselves, the world will show us love and if we criticize ourselves, the world will tear apart all that we dissaprove of in ourselves. Is it easy? No, it is not easy, it is simple. And subtle.

I love myself so that you can love me too!

The most important things in life

"The most important things in life aren't things." (Anthony J. D'Angelo) That to me made perfect sense and brought me the question: which are the non-things which are the most important in life?

I debated with myself for quite some time if knowledge is part of the most important things in life. And I have concluded that knowledge is very important to lead you to the most important things in life but in itself it doesn't really matter. Knowledge is a mean, it's not the destination. 

My next debate was on feelings. Likewise for knowledge, I've concluded that feelings are also a mean and not the destination. This is much more sensitive for the simple argument that we are emotional creatures. But aren't our feelings the expression of how we approach life? I can feel very sad or happy today about a person or a situation and when discussing the matter with someone else the day after, change my feelings by 180 degrees. Did it ever happen to you? Have you ever felt good about a person and then you came across different facts and stories about the person and all of a sudden you've got the cold shoulder for that person?

There's a vicious circle in here, no? I want to be right and not for the sake of righteousness but rather for the good feelings that righteousness will bring me. So, in other words, I want my knowledge to serve my feelings. Hence, once I have knowledge I can alter my feelings. On one condition: if I have the right attitude. And to me attitude is part of the most important things in life.

The best description of the importance of attitude to me is this: "It's your attitude, not your aptitude, that determines your altitude." (Zig Ziglar) Attitude is our jumping trampoline in life. And altitude is relevant not for the sake of heights, but for the realization of one's potential.

And that leaves me with a short list of the most important things in life: attitude and the realization of one's potential. To which I would add as corollaries filling life with meaning that comes through wisdom. I think wisdom is the highest level of attitude, while meaning is the highest level of altitude. 

And in between we have this wonderful span of time called life to enjoy and embrace and share and cherish. Go on, make the best of it! 

 

This is to have succeeded!

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!" - Emerson

Our own story - the genuine one

Who would have thought that owning our own story would be difficult... get out of here, you'll tell me. Well, we might have fallen in our own trap and I'll explain.

We have created social norms so that the rules of the game will be known to us all. And once we've created the rules, we introduced punishments for the ones not respecting the rules. So what's the preferred behavior? Comply! Not much wrong with that except that we're humans and humans are not perfect. I don't believe that someone can be 100% compliant at all times. So what do we do? We fake compliance, we hide our imperfections and we try to cheat. We might become good at that except that we cannot cheat ourselevs.

And every now and then we silently take on one more secret in our luggage. We keep them safe and we do not realize that it gets heavy over time. And worrying so much to carry the weight as unobserved as possible, we stop being ourselves. We become who we are expected to be.

Some get sick from the weight, some get fat, some get cynical... but mostly we become not our own story. We become the story of the social norms and we cannot recognize ourselves anymore. We give up our real selves for the ideal selves and the ideal selves lose some of our humanity. The very essence of who we are: human - for the best and the worst of it.

 

Brene Brown wrote "The Gifts of Imperfection" and she summarized it this way: "Owning our story can be hard but nor nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness we will discover the infinite power of our light."

Don't let the darkness surround you, dare to reach for the light! For in the light lay all the dreams and the joys and the sorrows that make us beautifully human.

Desiderata -- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, 
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, 
be on good terms with all persons. 
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; 
and listen to others, 
even to the dull and the ignorant; 
they too have their story. 
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; 
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, 
you may become vain or bitter, 
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. 
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; 
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, 
for the world is full of trickery. 
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; 
many persons strive for high ideals, 
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. 
Neither be cynical about love, 
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, 
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, 
gracefully surrendering the things of youth. 
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. 
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, 
be gentle with yourself. 
You are a child of the universe 
no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, 
whatever you conceive Him to be. 
And whatever your labors and aspirations, 
in the noisy confusion of life, 
keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, 
it is still a beautiful world. 
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

The Chosen - Chaim Potok (excerpt)

"Human beings do not live forever, Reuven. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it might be asked, what value is there to a human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye? I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing, but the man who lives that span, HE is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life. It is hard work to fill one's life with meaning. That I do not think you understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here."

 

On friendship

“Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there”

Capital L from Luck

Let's talk luck today. 

Out of all definitions of good luck just one stroked a cord in me: "Luck is the redundancy of hard work".  OK, that was some time ago. I hesitated on the topic of Luck for quite some time and I'm happy because in the meantime I've nailed it. 

So here's the part which I was looking for. It comes from Louis Pasteur: "Chance favors the prepared mind". It is quite obvious that even if something extraordinary comes along one's way and he or she is not ready, chances are the good thing will not materialize. Or simply put, "luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity" as Seneca put it. And all of a sudden I remember a good one that I cannot connect to a name: "experience is what you get when you don't get what you want".

Can you see it? We have to practice to get ready for something bigger and only then it will come our way. And then we will finally call ourselves lucky.

Good night and good luck everyone,

Corina

 

 

The Postman syndrome

Here I am back respecting my yesterday's resolution. But before getting any further let me make myself well understood: I don't mean in any way to diminish the importance of any possible job, postmen included. Any job well done is worthwhile doing as long as it contributes to our progress.

Today's quotes are from an old movie - The Postman (1997): "Tell me something: how much mail can a dead Postman deliver?"

 

Well, that's my point.  I just have the impression lately that we have way too many dead postmen around. Let me explain. We move things around and this movement drives progress if people bring added value in the process. If you just take one thing from left and move it to the right without changing it in any way you hardly have a role in that happening. I see it all the time and it's not really out of laziness or bad intentions. In most cases it is out of lack of knowledge how to handle it. Or interest.

The same Postman said: "It takes one postman to make someone else a postman" But we have to seek the inquisitiveness to know what to do with that mail. And the courage to take risk. The risk to look stupid, and to fail and ultimately to learn. There will always be others that will know what to do it if you just mail it. But one day it can actually be YOU getting the fruits for transforming that thing.

 

And that day you will be happy because you have brought your own touch, your own voice and you will want more of that. "You give out hope like it was candy in your pocket" as the Postman said. And you will wish those candies never end. It is up to you to touch your life and the life of others with your mails.

What will you chose?

 

Racing for non-racers

Ok, as of today I have a new resolution: to use quotes. And people, I love people.

I have this widget on my iPhone that shows me quotes so when I got this one today I paused: "If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough" Mario Andretti. I had the feeling that things were pretty much in control lately only to figure out today that I might get complacent and slow... hmmm. 

OK you'll say, who's Andretti? Well, a legend in racing who won pretty much all that can be won on four wheels. Here he is:

He also said: "If you wait, all that happens is that you get older." 

I agree, so no more waisting time! We might not be all winners and we might not be the best at the game we're playing. But you know what? How much time do we spend on the road and how much time at the destination? How long does it take for any Andretti of this world to get to where they want to? I bet it is longer than the time they stand on the podium. Actually most of their time is on the way. And what do they do after they spent the brave few moments on the podium? They start a new race, a new journey, a new dream. 

I know that it's not the destination that counts. It is the journey to get there: because we spend most of our time on the road!

So I'll hit the road and I hope I'll see you there. Why? Just to cheer each other, to enjoy the journey and to celebrate the ones that get the trophy. Like Andretti.

 

Blogging is healthy

I think it is part of the ancient wisdom that releasing your thoughts makes you feel lighter and at peace with yourself. It is therapy. Privacy is overrated anyway (more on this idea soon). We are social animals and we like to understand our world. I am not sure where we've got this thing with protecting our privacy in the first place. It doesn't make sense unless you have something to hide. And hiding something is like holding a weight on your shoulders. 

The feeling of lightness and relief that come with the knowledge that you do not have to hide anything is amazing. So much energy saved for better, constructive purposes!
Unleash your inner kite runner and enjoy your lightness! Priceless.

I met Lina [and I've learnt that misunderstandings can be loads of fun... and dirt]

I desperately needed some help with the dust accumulating fast around the house to form balls. I guess next stage was mountains but I didn't wanted to probe my theory. So I met Lina. Lina is sweet, Thai and efficient. In less than 3 hours she marched through all possible corners and brought back the much needed light into my house. We happy together!  

I asked Lina if she needs any lotions or materials for the next time around. She looked me in my eyes and she said she needs "penis"!?! I rolled my eyes not sure if I have a bad hearing or a dirty mind. OK, dirty mind goes without saying but still! So I asked: what??? And Lina said: penis. So I said: what for? And she candidly replied: penis for windows. OK, if I would have a penis I could certainly find a better usage of it. This was puzzling so I asked Lina to spell it for me. Here she goes: [f-i-n-i-s-h] penis. Aha, I got it: Finish? Yes she goes, penis for windows.

Here's the place where she needs the stuff for glass cleaning. 

For the next couple of days let's stay away from spell check as I remember Lina and might burst into an uncontrollable laugh for the relief that my dirty mind is still at bay. For now.